So I decided that while my little girl is sleeping, I would do a full update with a birth story, too. This is basically as much as I can remember. Things get a little fuzzy, and I can't remember EVERYTHING. But this is as complete as it's going to get.
I went in for a regular check-up on May 31st (a Tuesday). Everything went well. Although my midwife said that she wanted to induce me on Thursday (my sister Shanna's birthday) because that was the day I would be 41 weeks. So I was kind of freaking out. I was thinking "okay, Thursday is 2 days away. I still have some time to get things together and make more definite plans for who's going to take pictures, who's going to take videos, etc." Well, then when the midwife was calling to make the appointment for me, she came back in the room and said "they can't do it on Thursday. How about tomorrow at 7:30 AM?" I was shocked and I just said "um...yeah...that'll work." So she got that all set up, and I was on my way. Well, my phone wasn't in service that day, so I had taken my mom's phone with me. I was like 5 minutes away from being home when the phone rang. It was a number that was not programmed in the phone, and I didn't recognize it. Now, usually when I have my mom's phone I don't answer it unless I know who it is. But something told me to answer it. When I answered, it was my midwife. She asked if I was still in the area and I said no. She told me that she realized that I had protein in my urine which is a sign of pre-eclampsia, and so we needed to induce me that day before I got sick or anything. I said it might take a little while, but that I would be there as soon as I could. She then said that it had to be within an hour. I was really taken aback, but I said okay and that I would be there ASAP. I was freaking out on my way home, I called eddy and told him what happened, and at first he didn't believe me. LOL. He seriously thought I was trying to play a joke on him. But once he realized that I was serious, he wished me good luck and asked me to keep him updated. So I got home, told my mom, and she said "okay, I need to get in the shower, but you start getting ready." There were other complications about who was going to the hospital at what time and so forth, but to cut it short, me and my mom left about an hour later. We got to the hospital, got checked in and everything, and they started me on pitocin. Then SOON after that (probably less than a half hour) the midwife broke my water. We got to the hospital at about 1 in the afternoon, and by the time we got checked in and started on pitocin and my water had been broken, it was about 2 or 2:30. It wasn't too bad at first, but the contractions got continually worse and eventually I asked for a pain medication, but not an epidural. They got me some fentanyl and it didn't really do anything. So a little while later, I asked for the epidural. I was disappointed in myself because I really wanted to try and do it naturally, and I felt like I was "giving in." But not only was I feeling contractions, but I was having terrible back labor, and even when I wasn't having a contraction it hurt like heck. The anesthesiologist took forever to get there, but once he did, I was relieved. He came in and introduced himself, and then he was talking about the risks and saying that I needed to sign something, and I was just thinking "are you kidding me??? I'm in PAIN!!" I didn't even see the needle, which I'm sort of glad about. But once he got it in, it was fine and I slept through most of the rest of my labor. One symptom I got that I think started after I got the epidural was shaking. BAD. I didn't know that was part of labor, but yeah. I was shaking. But the good thing about that is that I got to use the really warm blankets they have at the hospital. Also, I got nauseous a couple of times and I actually threw up once or twice, I can't remember. Anyway, back to the main story. Ali's heartrate kept dropping, so they kept having me switch from side to side. (At one point they tried to get me on all fours. Mind you that this is AFTER the epidural and my legs were completely numb. LOL. I turned and got up on my hands, but I could not move my legs. So they stopped that.) After a while, they put me on magnesium because my blood pressure was going too high. Magnesium is also a muscle relaxant. Finally, one of my nurses checked me and said that it was time that i could start pushing. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to push very well because of the epidural. But once I started pushing, my mom and my midwife said that I did well. I think I pushed on and off for about an hour and a half or two hours. It hurt to push especially towards the end. Even though I had an epidural and they kept giving me more, it HURT. One of my nurses after the delivery when I told her that I felt pain even with the epidural, she said "oh, yeah, you're supposed to still feel pressure." I wanted to hit her. This was not pressure. It was pain. Like...I was crying it hurt so bad pain. And it also hurt to push because my shoulder was killing me because (or at least I think the cause of the pain) of the magnesium. It just burned my shoulder when I would lean up to push. They kept talking about how she (Ali) might be in a weird position. Face up (or to the side) and not face down like she was supposed to be. Finally, they were sure that she was, and I think I pushed a little bit even after that and finally my midwife said that they had to get a doctor in there to use forceps. I felt terrible again. I didn't want that to happen. I felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job to get her here, so they had to get a doctor. Once the doctor got there, it was about 11 minutes until she was born. LONGEST. 11 MINUTES. OF MY LIFE. The doctor told me that the more I pushed, the less he would have to do, and the better things would be. I was in pain, I was tired, and I just felt like giving up. I seriously thought I couldn't do it. I was crying and my mom cried with me. (Side note: I LOVE, and I mean LOVE my mom. I'm so glad that she was there with me. She gave me the encouragement and strength I needed.) So anyway, the doctor was very nice. He asked me if they told me about the forceps, I said no. He asked if I wanted to see them. I said no. Honestly, I saw them when I watched the birth video after she was home, and I don't know what I would have done if I had seen them when he asked. For those of you who don't know, they are like really big salad tongs or tossers. And apparently he positioned them around her head and helped pull her out while I pushed. Yeah. Soon after he got there, he tried to turn her, and it HURT. Things were kind of blurry because I was so tired and on meds. He tried to turn her again at one point, and it hurt again. Eventually though, the forceps were in place, and all I had to do was push. Well, easier said then done. I did it, but man...the pain was not fun. Anyway, at 12:25 AM on June 1, 2011, my little angel was born. It was all worth it. I was so tired. I don't even remember some of what happened after that. We have it on video, but I have no conscious memory of it. My mom was the first one to hold her. But that was fine. Anyway, that's basically the birth story. It was a really hard road, but I'm so glad I did it and I wouldn't trade my baby girl for anything. She is my whole world.
My experience made me change my mind about epidurals. I thought that when I got one, I would not feel anything. Well, obviously I was wrong. And I hope there aren't many women who have pain with epidurals. Because I was shocked that I was still in pain. That's not exactly what I signed up for. But I'm kind of grateful becuase I DID want to give birth as naturally as possible. And I don't know if that's just how my body reacts to epidurals or if it was the placement of it or what. But I know that this was not just pressure. This was pain. Honestly, I hope that with my next baby I can try naturally again. This one had some complications (ya know, like her being in a weird position, being induced) and so I don't know what I would have done without the meds. But next time, (WAY in the future. At LEAST a few years) If everything is normal, I don't have to be induced, etc, I would like to try it again. Call me crazy. But I really would.
Another thing is that I felt better about getting the epidural and the doctor needing to use foreceps after she was born. My mom said that the midwife told her that if Ali would have been in the right position, I would have had a baby an hour earlier than I did. Also, about the epidural. My mom had talked to me and she really wanted me to try and do it naturally. Not only did I want to try for ME, but I wanted to try for my mom as well. When I asked for the epidural, I was so afraid that she'd be disappointed in me. But she said she wasn't disappointed at all and that she would have done the same thing if she were me. I can not tell you how much I love my mother. She has her issues, just like everyone. but she also is so amazing, helpful and just plain fun. I love her so much and I could not ask for a better mother.
So...I also just wanted to write about the last month. (Ali will be one month old on friday.) Just things that she does and what things are like with her here.
Ali hardly left my room while we were in the hospital. People were constantly there wanting to hold her, or she was sleeping or eating, and during the night...my mom took care of her and only woke me up when Ali needed to eat. Which was super nice. I love staying in hospitals. You get fed, a nice bed, warm blankets, and pampered. I was sad when we had to leave. But I was glad to be able to dress in my own clothes, and put Ali in a cute outfit. We tried on a hat that Kelli made, but it was way too big. So we didn't use the hat that night. (However it fits pretty nicely now. Yay!) We actually didn't go home to our house. We went to Kerri and Adam's. They were getting ready for an apprasial so my mom and dad were helping Kerri get ready for that and I had Ali with me in a room. We finally went to our house on Friday morning and me and my mom and Ali. And then we slept for a lot of the day. It was really nice. After that, things got more normal. Well, as normal as they can be with a newborn. I started sleeping in my room with her, although I let her sleep with me for a while. I just love cuddling with her. She usually goes to sleep and I put her in her bassinet, but sometime during the night after she eats she usually stays with me. Eventually, though, I know she's going to have to get used to sleeping in her own bed.
She's such a good baby in my opinion. I know i'm not the only one to have a good baby, but I mean...for the first week and a half, she hardly ever cried. And when she did, it really wasn't a full blown cry. But man, when my mom bathed her for church...she learned how to cry. lol. She did not like it at all. She still doesn't cry very loud very often. But she's definitely learned to use her lungs when she needs to. I love watching her sleep. She smiles a lot in her sleep, and she has even started giggling a little bit while she sleeps, too. It's so cute. She also makes a lot of noise and wiggles a lot in her sleep. I love putting headbands on her even though my dad hates them. I don't like really big flowers or bows, but I think little ones are really cute. So I have experimented a little with them. When she's awake she's pretty happy if she's been fed and changed and stuff. She is sometimes a mommy's girl. But she likes hanging out with my mom, too. I've been putting her in the swing a lot lately, mostly to try and get things done such as showering, cleaning my room, eating, etc. Most of the time she likes it, but there are sometimes she's a stinker and won't be happy there. But I still love her to death. You really can never know a mother's love until you have your own baby. It's just amazing. I love just looking at her. I love being a mother.
So that's all about Ali that I can think of right now. As for me...I'm doing really well. Me and eddy are currently not together for lots of reasons that I won't get into on here. Basically, there are things that need to change IF we are going to get back together. But I honestly don't know if we will or not. He says he wants to come to Utah to see Ali. But he's been saying that for a long time, so I don't know what's going to happen. I have decided that I really want to get active again in the church. I haven't been active, but I have always still known that it's true. But now I really want to be active again. I love Ali so much and I want to be a good example to her and teach her the truthfulness of the gospel. I have been trying to get back in the habit of reading my scriptures and saying my prayers again. Not going so well. But I know that it'll take some time. I've been thinking about going to work and/or school in a few months. But I really don't want to. But I know that I should. I'm eventually going to need to go to work so that I can move out on my own and not live with my parents forever. And school...I really want to, but first, I don't know what I want to major in. Second...I'm not a good student. I barely got my diploma. The thought of college classes frankly scares the crap out of me.
So...I know that this is super long. but hopefully I will update pretty often so that it won't be like a novel next time. That's all for now.
